Today is our 21st anniversary. Lately I’ve been telling myself Kim isn’t gone — he’s just away on a trip. I need to say today IS our anniversary rather than today WOULD HAVE BEEN our anniversary because for me, we’re still together and he hasn’t ceased to exist. We didn’t split up, he didn’t walk out, he didn’t choose to leave, we didn’t choose to end, he didn’t disappear. He’s just on a trip. He’s somewhere out there — maybe on the other side of the universe, maybe two feet away, I don’t know — and wherever he is, one day I’ll take that trip and meet him there.
But the wait is so long and hard and lonely.
I always thought this song was sad, but it never had any meaning specific to my life until I lost Kim. Now I feel it pretty much every day. Happy Anniversary, Sweetie. I love and miss you so much.
“This Sad Bouquet” — The Ark
It took time, took time to develop a concept, a new me
Based upon the traits from which I could not flee
It took time, took time to embrace the nature of my dreams
All this time just turned into a sad long waitThis sad long tale of moments passé
Must come to an end before it is too late
Wasn’t born to hate, I was made to love
But I never knew it was so hardIt took time, took time to accept the fact that one must lose
Everything except what you do not choose
It’s taken time, long time, and yet more time it will take
Before my heart is free and brave enough to breakThis sad long tale of moments passé
Must come to an end before it is too late
Wasn’t born to hate, I was made to love
But I never knew it was so hardThis sad bouquet of forget-me-nots
That I threw away is growing scars and dots
In this weary heart where there’s a bird so shy
But one of these days that bird will learn to fly
