Kim’s Birthday: “Still June”

Today would have been Kim’s 45th birthday. I miss him so much and think about him all the time. I still haven’t accepted he’s really gone even though I know he must be. Even though it’s been over five years, the grief is still so raw I can barely talk about it any more because talking doesn’t help and I feel like everyone must be so tired of hearing about it. Instead, I notice I just keep talking about him constantly like he’s still here.

No matter what time of year it is or what’s going on in the world, my mind and my heart are caught in an endless loop where it’s that one beautiful sunny June day when we were happy and laughing, he kissed me goodbye, got on his bike to go get our Saturday coffee, and never came home. I still believe he’s going to come walking in the door any minute. For me, it’s always still June and I need to be here, waiting, because he will come back for me some day.

So I listen to this song a lot. It’s one of the many songs that fell into my lap after he was gone, always at the time I needed each of them the most. Those songs saved me. I don’t believe any of them were a coincidence. look at this site

“Still June” — Maia Hirasawa

I looked up into the sky
I thought I catched your eye
But you reminded me
You’re nothing to see
But maybe you are wrong
Maybe I could come along
That would be quite fair
When you’re never here and

It should, it should be winter now
But my mind’s still June
And you should, you should have given me wings by now
So I could catch your eye

And I am not alone
I’m here with someone
She never got the chance
And I’ll hate myself for that
‘Cause I have stopped, too
Though some just for a while
Should I be thankful? No
I hate you for that

It should, it should be winter now
But my mind’s still June
And you should, you should have given me wings by now
So I could catch your eye

It should, it should be winter now
But my mind’s still June
And you should, you should have given me wings by now
So I could catch your eye
So I could catch your eye